“Stop playin', ” I joked as the people in some of my group chats were talking about my friends being in a car accident. I placed the phone down, picked up the remote, and flipped through the television channels. Eventually, I found a touching, family movie to watch with my little siblings. Soon my little sister began to complain about my seemingly never ending chain of notification sounds.

“It was Ethan and David.”

“No, I heard it was David and Eryck.”

“I'm pretty sure it was Chris and Nick.”

My peaceful mood quickly turned into panic. “Wait, are you guys being serious? There's no way. Someone please find out.” I never believed that something so tragic could happen to me. It just seemed so impossible. Soon, I found out my friends that were in the car accident: David Bell (Daboo), Nick Joyce (Jet Sweep Joyce), Chris Desir (Bossman), Eryck Sarblah (Sarbs). They are now called the four young kings in heaven. That night everyone wanted to be close to someone else, to comfort or to be comforted. I would imagine that comfort is what I would want after hearing the news of such a catastrophe. Instead, I went to sleep silently and alone, shocked from the trauma. I will never forget the soundless pain that I experienced that night. Little did I know the pain would not lessen, but become easier to handle. At times, I tried to block my emotions, thinking that this would help me get over such a tragic event. The only result of trying to dismiss my feelings was the escalation of these feelings. Eventually, I found that rather than blocking the thoughts, I should embrace them.

I often find myself reminiscing about David. He always used to boast about how much more skilled he was than me at many things, such as football and track. I would always tell him to just wait; I am going to catch up to him someday. Today, I think about how if he could see me now, he would be proud of me. I waited too long to achieve the things I wanted to show him. Putting my aspirations on the back burner made me realize that I do not have all the time in the world. The loss of my friends has taught me so many lessons about real life. One of which was to overcome adversity. I already experience a lot of pressure being an eldest sibling and a first generation scholar, as my parents came from Nigeria to give me a better life. Experiencing sudden deaths of loved ones left me in a low, negative place in life. I had two options: to continue with a detrimental state of mind, or to try to overcome my grief and live my life in the way they would have wanted me to. There was only one option for me to choose.

Now, I live my life with the thought at the back of my head that maybe I will not be here tomorrow. Will the people around me that I want to make proud be here tomorrow? The thought of losing my loved ones has been ingrained in my mind ever since. It has given me something greater than whatever I thought I needed: the motivation to achieve my ambitions to make myself and the ones I love proud. Today, I always think about what they would be doing if they were still with me. David would be screaming at the top of his lungs wherever he is. Chris would be eager to join David. Nick would first shake his head to all of the shenanigans, and then join in. Finally, Eryck would be taking pictures of them for memories’ sake. And me? I would be looking up to them, just as I do everyday.

4 Kings